Dear Barack Obama: Where’s my job? December 7, 2008

So this is appropriate… President-elect Obama’s speechwriters can party hard and that’s fine. But please explain to me how someone so inarticulate that they have to grope a cardboard cutout of Senator Clinton instead of scathingly critique her– and so misogynistic that this is how they treat women in politics– is head of speechwriting for the whole freaking White House?

Mr. Obama, give me a break. If you’re going to give this silver-platter job to some twenty-something screwup… I’ve got your screwup right here. See, I thought I wasn’t bestest and brightest enough to make the cut for the Obama dream team… but seeing staffers such as Favreau makes me realize I, too, have a chance! If this kid is qualified, I’ve no doubt that my intellectual prowess and communications skills are up to snuff. I have… what’s that… word… hope!

I’ll tell you this much: Closeted skeletons or past e-mail indiscretions aside, I’d definitely disable my Facebook upon acceptance of the job– and I can promise you I’d find better criticisms of political rivals than pointing out that they have breasts. Oh yes, yes I can.

So give that speechwriting gig to me instead, President-elect Obama. I may not have the Heineken-drinking skills or cardboard-breast-groping talents of Jon Favreau, but I promise you I could do the job at least as well as that guy.

This is for my bitches November 6, 2008

This is for everyone who said we couldn’t rock the youth vote…

This is a referendum on the poor choices that 51% of the electorate made in 2004…

It’s a real mandate for change, instead of a Supreme Court-delivered sham victory grotesquely twisted to allow a group of diabolical men to wreak havoc on the United States under the guise of a “mandate from the voters”…

It’s my generation standing up and saying, We’ve done this your way for 40 years. It’s not working. It’s our turn.

This is about realizing that it’s Christian to stop worldwide hunger, pollution, rape, and needless death at least as much as it is to blindly prohibit abortion.

This is me saying I didn’t just vote Obama for selfish reasons — I did it for my mom, and for my grandmother, because I believe he is the right choice for young and for old, for Americans.

It’s my answer to four years of asking, America, do we misunderstand each other so fatally?

This is me having my Michelle Obama “proud” moment. Not just feeling patriotic about living in a country where civil liberties most people only dream of are guaranteed; the pride that must have been felt by greater generations when they realized their achievements were more than the sum of their parts.

This is about the right to belief being contingent upon upholding the Constitution that protects it.

This is the first day of the end of Republican anti-intellectualism. This is the rejection of Karl Rove’s tactics. This is the moment when attitudes of individuals around the nation will start to shift as they learn that the quality of a person’s mind is more nuanced than the color of his skin.

This is not going to fix everything, but it’s a start.

McCain camp embarrasses self, others unnecessarily early in campaign April 18, 2008

This one really makes me cringe from The Maverick, the one who’s promised that a contest between himself and Barack Obama would define a new kind of politics, you know– the one who’s above partisan attacks and negative ads?

Yeah, that guy– John McCain– he’s plucked his favorite from a list of dubious articles on a shoddy conservative website in order to pit his donors against known terrorist-coddler, Barack Obama. In a new fundraising e-mail, the Senator Above the Fray highlights a Hamas leader’s quote: “We like Mr. Obama and we hope he will win the election. He has a vision to change America.” Right up there in eloquence with the fake-ass anti-America quotes on Ahmadinejad’s blog.

The fundraising e-mail alleges that the “difference is clear” and that Obama’s policy approach to the Israel-Palestine conflict– especially the part where he acknowledges the organization that sort of, well, runs the Palestinian territories and won an election there– makes him a surrender monkey. To quote the e-mail: “Senator Obama would surrender in Iraq and hold talks with the Iranian regime, John McCain will never surrender in the struggle with Islamic extremists.”

So Obama will surrender in Iraq, talk to Iran, and (by deduction) surrender to the Islamic terrorists? Class act, you are, Senator McCain. I at least thought he’d wait to strike the bigots in their terrorist-fearing hearts until the general election.

But the real motive behind this fundraising shennanigan is revealed in its timing– before the Democratic nominee has been selected. It’s just one more example of how the Republicans are crossing their fingers that HRC is the nominee– she’s divisive enough that McCain just might beat her. Just one more reason (as if she needs one) for HRC to drop out ASAP. Hey, I wonder what her Israel policy is? Oh, oh that’s right, a single-state solution. Brilliant! Make that the newest reason +1 on my list.

I really wish with all these stunts for attention, the Obama camp would just say “your behavior is embarrassing and we’re not acknowledging it” than issuing a denunciation. Just ignore the children, Barry O.